Bits of Our Weekend



Random graffiti on my walk to Trader Joe's


This weekend was my "birthday weekend" - but is it still a birthday weekend when you have a three year old and can't really afford extra childcare? There definitely wasn't anything special about this weekend. Audrey was my dinner date Friday evening. We went to a Chinese restaurant around the corner. I think I've decided I don't care for Chinese much anymore. Isn't that weird? To suddenly stop liking a food as an adult? It could be the fact that a few months ago I caught a nasty stomach bug, and Chinese had been the last thing I had eaten before I was violently ill. It wasn't the food's fault, but - guilty by association? Anyway, afterwards, we had cupcakes at home and I was in bed by 11. Woohoo, Friday night AND it was my birthday. What an exciting life I lead.

 

 

On Saturday, Audrey and I met a friend for brunch. I did start on one of my goals for the summer - to try new restaurants. For lunch we went to Tello. 

 

Blurry picture but these two together always melts my heart.

That evening, the man friend came to visit and we went to another neighborhood restaurant I hadn't tried, Pepe Giallo. Afterwards, we got ice cream from a truck, walked home and ate it on the stoop. The three meals out in one weekend was about the extent of my birthday celebration. Oh, and let's not forget the ABC Family Harry Potter Movie Marathon. I did mention how cool I am, right?

 

Using her snake toy as a pillow. Puppy life is exhausting.

We spent most of this weekend close to home because we're still potty training this little pup. So naughty, but so cute. Between lunch and dinner Saturday, we went to the park around the corner and ran a couple errands. On Sunday, Audrey spent a few hours with her father. I walked the dog, relaxed and went grocery shopping. I was a little too ambitious at Trader Joes - $90 worth of groceries, including a watermelon, and I was convinced I could carry it all home, instead of waiting for delivery. Bad idea. Very bad idea. I had to stop every 100 steps or so to adjust, was dripping sweat by the time I got home and my shoulders hurt today. Pathetic.

Happy Birthday to Me

Thanks, Chase. How about some extra cash as a bday present?

The ATM was the first to wish me Happy Birthday. Although in everyone else's defense, the ATM was a day early - this picture is from yesterday.

I turn 27 today. 27! Most days I'm proud of where I'm at in life. There are definitely some things I'd change, but overall I'm ok. 26 was very hard, but a lot of the troubling aspects ended with a positive outcome, so 27 is looking like it will be much better, and boy, am I looking forward to that.

A Girl & Her Dog

Audrey & Maddy

We haven't started crate training yet - we plan to start Saturday, because between my brother and I, one of us can be home most of the day with the puppy for 5-6 straight days starting then. So for now, we are just taking her outside to get her used to walking on a leash. These two got so much attention during our outing yesterday. Literally every single person we passed stopped to gush over them, pet the dog, ask Audrey questions about the puppy. One girl even asked to take a picture of Maddy. They're both hams, they loved the attention.

Single Mom in Manhattan Part Deux

 



Old picture. Her father is responsible for this one, but it makes me laugh.


A huge part of living in Manhattan is figuring out how to make it work financially. Even without a child in the picture, it's expensive. While I won't share my exact income, I though I would give an overview of how I cover everything.

My own income is enough to cover all our normal expenses - rent, food, utilities - plus about half of the monthly childcare expense. Audrey's father is obligated to pay a base weekly child support payment and 38% of the childcare expense, but unfortunately, that's not something I can count on. I won't share exactly how much he should be paying, but he has a substantial amount of arrears. This often leads to me falling back on savings and a credit card to cover the remainder of the childcare payment. I am not on any sort of government assistance and my income is not increased by any way I did not earn (i.e., help from family). My brother, as I mentioned, lives with me. Initially, he just babysat in exchange for housing, but as his availability declined, we agreed upon a small rent payment.

Like I mentioned, my apartment is rent stabilized. This isn't anything that requires special qualifications - it isn't income based, it's basically luck based. My other expenses, electricity, cable, internet, cell phone, a couple credit cards, total less than $500. I have thought about getting rid of my cable lately, and just switching to internet/streaming services such as Netflix & Hulu. It would probably chop about $100 a month off my expenses. I had always kept cable as a "splurge," because as a single mom with a small child, I didn't do a lot socially. But now that Audrey is getting older and we spend a lot more time out and about, it doesn't seem as necessary.

I'd like to pay off the credit cards and get rid of them as soon as possible. I do have two that I use, and unfortunately, carry a balance on. I try to only use them for emergencies, but unfortunately that's been more often than I'd like lately.

I don't eat out often, I don't go out drinking (not because I am opposed to drinking ... give me a bottle of wine any day), I don't spend a lot on clothes. I maintain a budget and keep track of all my expenses. I am trying very hard to get that arrears balance my ex has built up paid so I can have some breathing room again. Audrey has eleven more months of preschool, one month of which is already paid (last month tuition/deposit that I paid when she started). When she finishes in June of 2015, and starts Kindergarten in September of 2015, my childcare expenses will drop dramatically, which should also make things a lot easier.

Until then, our adventures around Manhattan will usually be free or cheap. There will be no fancy vacations or clothes, and I'll continue to keep a tight budget, but I like our life here, so it isn't worth leaving to me. Sure, I could move back out to Pennsylvania, but I would have to find a job with a drastic paycut, or commute 1.5+ hours each way to continue to work in the city. Not worth it to me. Any other area commuting distance to Manhattan, but safe enough for a child, isn't any cheaper, thanks to my rent stabilized apartment. So, we are here for the long haul, Mannahatta.

Single Mom in Manhattan



This little ray of sunshine makes it all worth it.


Don't worry, she was totally fine. She just didn't want me to take a picture of her. Seriously, that's why she's crying. Such a diva. Not a fan of my own appearance in the pic, but it's too funny not to post.

Anyway, the point of this post is to share how I make our day to day lives work. I work full time, and don't have much in the way of "free" help - Audrey's father has her every other Sunday afternoon, and my brother is the only family member nearby. My brother actually lives with me. He moved in last January to go to school in the city. Initially, we exchanged babysitting for rent, but his school and work schedules allow for minimal babysitting, and Audrey is in full-time preschool now anyway.

Fortunately, I have pretty good work hours. I have an 8 hour day, with an hour built in for lunch, so I actually only have a 35 hour work week. With a half hour commute each way, Audrey's preschool provides just enough coverage. My brother still picks Audrey up and watches her for an hour or two one day a week, so I can stay a little late at work and catch up on stuff or run errands. Occasionally I do something with friends and he watches her for a couple hours, but that's very rare. The rest of my family lives in Pennsylvania, or farther, so while my mom and sister have come out for emergencies in the past, they aren't around for day to day needs.

When her preschool closes and I'm not off work, I'm fortunate enough to have a back up daycare at work. It's part of the Bright Horizons schools, and available for use for up to 20 days per calendar year (although one year I had to use it much more than that and it wasn't a problem) for $20 a day. This has saved me many, many times. In fact, Audrey's preschool closes for two weeks next month for annual maintenance, etc., and she will be at the daycare for most of that.

As for the little things - things you wouldn't think are a big deal - laundry, grocery shopping? Yea, those are harder than you'd think when you're trying to do them on your own, with a small child in tow, in Manhattan. We don't have a laundry room in my building, the closest one is a couple blocks away. For a long time, I just sucked it up and did my laundry with Audrey in tow - bringing her to the park or the diner while the clothes were in the washer, coming back to switch them over, then same thing while they were in the dryer. It was tedious. I finally realized dropping it off and having them do it for me didn't cost much more, if anything at all, and it saved a small piece of my sanity.

Another seemingly simple task, grocery shopping, is again, not so simple. Carting bags of groceries home and up three flights of stairs in one hand while trying to hold a three year old's hand with the other? Not fun. I don't do all my shopping at once, or even at the same store. I go to Trader Joes for a bunch of stuff, Fairway for things Trader Joes doesn't carry. Both deliver for free or cheap, so I've used that service when I have a lot in my cart. There's also the Fruit Exchange at Chelsea Market, which has every kind of produce imaginable. There's also the ultimate lazy way to grocery shop, online. I use Peapod usually, but also recently discovered Amazon's Prime Pantry. The only downside with those is the soonest you can get your order is the next day, often at least two days later.

As I mentioned, Audrey is with her father for a few hours every other Sunday. I try to use that time for every thing else - catching up on tv shows I can't watch around Audrey (those True Blood sex scenes? Not 3 year old appropriate), miscellaneous errands such as returning stuff, doing stuff with friends - brunch, shows, etc., or schoolwork.

Oh right, did I mention I take online classes? Had to fill all that free time somehow right? The biggest reasoning behind this, which I think I mentioned in one of my first posts, is to defer those student loans. But I still try to do well in the classes, in case I decide to transfer the credits over to a graduate program at some point.

So in some ways, the city presents challenges that aren't found in other areas - the inconvenience of carting laundry/groceries multiple blocks without a car - but it also presents solutions not offered elsewhere. This fortunately gives me most of my weekends to enjoy with my kid. I do my own cleaning (although I'm certainly not opposed to hiring someone, it's not in my budget right now), so most of that gets done on weekends, but I try to spend as much of it as possible actually enjoying ourselves.  

Finances are another component of how I make it work as a single mom in the city, but I think I've rambled enough for one post.

Bit of our Weekend

 

 

For fourth of July weekend, I took an extra day off and made it a four day weekend. We went out to the Poconos, where my parents live, Wednesday evening. Our original plan for Thursday was to go to a waterpark, but there was a 90% chance of thunderstorms beginning in the afternoon. The morning and early afternoon were gorgeous though, so we went to a nearby pool. It's a little secluded and actually part of a resort, so we had it to ourselves for almost two hours. A friend came with us, so Audrey had us taking turns pretending to be sharks. This involved pretending to capture who ever wasn't the shark, and drag them out to the "sea" (the deep end of the pool). She had a blast, and then took a nice long nap afterwards. The rest of the day was spent hanging around my moms house, because the thunderstorms came as promised.

 

 

 

This is my 15 year old brother, Ian. Ian was always "the baby" to me, till Audrey was born. It's amazing how much kids grow up when juxtaposed with a much smaller child. He turned into a teenager overnight in my eyes. And he certainly is a stereotypical teenager now - he shuts himself up in his room most of the time. I can tell he loves Audrey though, and she loves hanging out with him. On Thursday evening, he came downstairs for a couple hours and the two of them got into trouble for a while (setting up pranks for my mom to find when she got home - silly stuff), then they relaxed and played with iPads.

 

On Friday afternoon, we ran some errands in town, including Target - I admit I am one of the Target obsessed. I stopped in to grab a sweater for Audrey - it was supposed to get down to the 50s that night, and we were going to watch Fireworks. Of course, there's that lovely little $1 section right when you walk in, and we got sucked in. When we got home we made these cookies - I initially was going to go the super Pinterest-y route and attempt American Flag cookies, but I lost my patience pretty quickly and just did stars. I used this recipe and added some red food coloring. The frosting was just a basic vanilla buttercream.

 

On Friday evening, we went to a little festival and watched Fireworks in town. The Fireworks show was nice but the Festival was packed - and I was a little disappointed to be honest. The area I'm from has changed a lot since I was a kid. There were a lot of obnoxious teenagers trying to act cool - the cursing, the fighting, etc., girls in barely there, way too small outfits, and the smoking - omg. Seriously, people? It's inconsiderate enough to smoke in a public park (it isn't illegal in Pennsylvania, at least not in my old town anyway). But I couldn't even tell you how many parents were smoking a cigarette with one hand, holding their small child with the other. Gross. We might still leave the city next year as the Fourth will fall on a weekend again, but I'll be skipping this particular event in the future. Audrey had fun, which is the important part, but I'm sure we can find something else. Does this make me soon like an ornery old woman? "Those gosh darn kids!" Rant over.

 

On Saturday, we picked up the newest addition to the Ryan household: a 9 week old Corgi. We named her Madelyn, Maddie for short. Audrey is so excited. She's been asking for a puppy for awhile (encouraged by my brother), and I finally gave in. Don't get me wrong, I'm excited about the puppy too. I wouldn't give in to a three year old's demands if I was against the idea :). Audrey refers to Maddie as "my puppy." "Mommy, my puppy is hungry." "Mommy, my puppy is sleeping." "Mommy, can my puppy sleep in my room?"

 

 

We spent one more night at my parents' house. I made dinner Saturday night, and my brother and his friend went and got fireworks. By the time they got back, it was dark out, so we all sat outside in our sweatpants and sweatshirts, because for some reason it was 55 degrees out, and set off fireworks and played with sparklers. I thought Audrey might be scared of the sparklers, but she loved them.

 

 

 

We planned to go home on Sunday, but my sister, who was driving us, had to work till 4. So while we were waiting for her, we went out and got ice cream. The tiara and wand were $1 purchases from Target. I swear I didn't purposely color coordinate her outfit with them!

 

It was an inexpensive trip - we had family pick us up and take us home, and we stayed at my parents. Our only expenses were food and the gas I put in my parents' cars whenever I used them. The puppy wasn't free, of course, but I don't count that as part of the expense of the weekend, as picking up a puppy is obviously not a normal long weekend activity. It was still a nice break from the city though. We spent a lot of time outdoors, went swimming, and remembered how nice it is to have a car at your disposal, rather enjoying good old public transportation. I didn't get it growing up, but after a decade in New York, I do see the appeal of the Poconos. Or the idea of the Poconos anyway, because apparently, so do a lot of other people. The area has grown exponentially over the years, especially the New York transplants. In some ways, it's good - when I was growing up there, it was a big deal when the Target & Walmart were built. There was one small mall and a shopping outlet about 30 minutes away. Now all of the big chain stores are out there - Best Buy, PetSmart, Bed Bath & Beyond, etc. So there's more for locals - more shopping, more jobs. But more also means more "bad apples", more traffic. My parents have been talking about moving away for a while, and I wouldn't be upset if they did. It's not the hometown of my childhood, I've lost touch with most of my childhood friends, so I don't feel a strong sense of loyalty for the area. Anywhere with a yard and a pool nearby would do as a little retreat from the city.

Summer Plans

There are some things I would like to do/accomplish this summer, so I wasn't sure whether to call these goals, plans or both. Let's stick with plans. It sounds more promising than goals, doesn't it? Goals are something one hopes to achieve. Plans are more concrete, something that is likely to happen (because everyone knows nothing is ever definite).

1. Try new local places. I've lived in my neighborhood for 4+ years now and there are many restaurants I've never tried. I don't have a big budget for eating out, but when I do go out to eat, my new plan is to keep trying new places, especially around my neighborhood. A few local ones I'd like to try: The Grey Dog, Scarpetta, Ovest Pizzoteca, Tipsy Parson, The Half King. I'd also like to explore more of our city in general - I'd like to take Audrey to some new parks this summer. I also plan to do some outdoor movies. At Hudson River Park, family movies play every Friday beginning July 11th, and at the South Street Seaport, movies have already begun every Wednesday and Saturday. All free! Also, while I've been to many museums in New York, Audrey has only done a couple of the Children's museums. I think she's old enough to enjoy the Museum of Natural History, so I think we will try that soon.

2. Beach trip. Audrey is off preschool for two weeks in August, so I plan on taking a couple days off myself and heading to the beach. I'm hoping to make it an overnight trip to New Jersey - Wildwood or somewhere near there. We can also take the Seastreak to Sandy Hook for day trips on the weekends throughout the summer. My child loves the beach, so we will definitely be doing at least a couple beach days throughout the summer.

3. Finish the Game of Thrones books (well, the 5 currently published anyway) and knock off some of the other books on my reading list including: All the Light We Cannot See, The Silkworm, The Snow Queen, Middlemarch, The Book of Life, Half of a Yellow Sun and Where'd You Go, Bernadette. I do read pretty quickly, but I doubt I'll finish ALL of these by the end of the summer. There's always something to read next though, the list is never ending. Call me a nerd, I love books.

4. Add more exercise and veggies into our day. Overall, we both love vegetables. I eat a salad for lunch most days, and I try to include a side of veggies with Audrey's lunch. I want to make dinner more vegetable-heavy though, and come up with (either by my own creation or browsing pinterest) some new recipes, like the veggie sandwich I had the other day. Also, we walk a lot on the weekends, but during the week I'd like to start going for walks either right after work/preschool or after dinner. The Highline is so close, providing a great place to walk. I also thought about doing some yoga at home - nothing advanced, stuff Audrey can have fun doing with me. I hope to incorporate exercise into her life from an early age - and I don't mean going to the gym, just being active and enjoying it. And to be vain for a minute - of course I'd love to lose weight/gain muscle/look hot in a bikini ;)

5. Write, write, write. I want to keep up with this blog, whether anyone ever reads it or not. I only want to stop writing when I feel I have nothing to share. I want to write outside of this space, also. Sticking with the working towards my future goals theme, I also want to look into MBA programs. I currently take business classes, but they are pointless (well, other than allowing me to defer my student loans). I need to stop wasting my time - either drop the classes entirely or figure out an MBA program that works for me.

There are more mundane things I NEED to do this summer - involving doctor appointments, court dealings, etc., but doctors appointments are boring, and the court dealings are for a whole separate post.