On Figuring It Out

 

The view from my boss's office. Sadly, not my view.
I'm not one of the Important people around here. Yet.

It. Capital I. As in, what do I want to do with my life?

I was ambivalent on this topic even pre-child, so factoring in another little person's needs has made it even more difficult to figure out the next steps. I have worked in admin at a law firm for about three and a half years now. At first, I thought there was no room to grow from my current position, but I lucked out and started working for someone Important (again, capital I on purpose - the powers that be will tell everyone here they're important, but some are a little more important than others). Let's call him Grumpy Cat, for privacy's sake. Working with the prestigious Grumpy Cat of the legal world results in constantly being in contact with other Important people, stretching the boundaries of my job description, and taking on special projects. I think with the right networking, and some advanced education, I could go somewhere with this. Business Development type stuff, possibly. But is that what I want to do?

I started college at NYU undeclared, planning to pursue Journalism. After one boring class on the technical side of Journalism, I switched to English. I figured I could go in many different directions from there - teaching, law, get an MBA - and it would be a good base. After I graduated, I did a Paralegal certificate program - partially to stall making a decision on the next step, partially to determine if the law really interested me, but mostly to be able to defer those crippling student loans - more on that in a future post.

My daughter was born right as I was finishing the certificate, and three months later I started at my current job. I thought a law firm would be the best way to determine once and for all if law school was in the cards for me. Spoiler Alert: Nope. There are many reasons behind me coming to this decision. I can't add to my already ridiculous student loan debt, nor can I take off work for three years to pursue the degree. And frankly, I don't want to. Big Law is not for me - the politics, the insane hours, the obnoxious clients who feel every question is a matter of life or death. In my adventures at Family Court (again, more on that in a future post) I spoke to my own lawyer a bit about going into family law, and learned the market is just as oversaturated as Big Law, and first year associates in small firms generally make less than I do now. With the responsibility of another person to care for, not to mention those evil student loans, I can't afford that pay cut.

I have always wanted to write. I wrote stories a lot as a kid. There was one particularly ridiculous one I remember - kind of a copy cat attempt of one of those Sweet Valley High books. Something about a girl being trapped in a resort overnight. Um hello, ten year self. Resorts don't close. I have also always read constantly. I still make time to read as often as realistically possible - on the train, when I take a lunch break, after mini-me has gone to bed. Reading as much as possible is the first step in becoming a great writer, right? Well I've got that down. The next step is pushing myself to actually do the writing. Maybe I should take up Ernest Hemingway on his advice to "Write Drunk, Edit Sober" and dive in.

In the meantime, I keep pondering the back up plan - what do I do if I don't become the next Great American Novelist? Time will tell.